RIP The Kardashians.
It is with great lack of even a molecule of sadness that I have to report the demise of the world’s most vacuous, grasping, sleazy, stupid and annoying family.
Ratings for the season finale of Keeping Up With The Kardashians on Sunday night crashed to just 851,000 viewers.
That’s a staggering 37% fall from the 1.3 million who watched the premiere episode in August.
I’m thrilled that ratings for the season 15 finale of Keeping Up With The Kardashians crashed to just 851,000 viewers -a 37% fall from the 1.3 million who watched the premiere episode
This wasn’t just any season either.
The family pulled out all the headline-grabbing self-intrusion stops to try to drive up interest including the birth of two babies, Kanye West’s slavery controversy, Khloe’s boyfriend cheating on her days before the birth of her child, and Kim meeting President Trump to seek a pardon for Alice Marie Johnson.
Yet it seems nobody cared, about any of it.
And to cement the ladies’ humiliation, the Real Housewives of Orange County, which pulled in 1.7 million viewers, thrashed them.
In fact, the Kardashians finished last among all TV shows aired nationally in America at 9pm on Sunday.
After 11 long, tortuous years, it appears America’s finally grown sick and tired of watching this tiresome freak-show.
And that surely spells the long overdue beginning of the end for the Kardashian brand too?
The family pulled out all the headline-grabbing self-intrusion stops to try to drive up interest like Kim meeting President Trump, and multiple babies were born to the many offspring
Despite all these babies and self intrusions the Kardashians finished last among all TV shows aired nationally in America at 9pm on Sunday
God I hope so.
The Kardashians have grown to represent everything that’s wrong about modern life.
They’re a bunch of spoiled whiny brats who preach one relentlessly depressing message: that you can succeed in life by being completely and utterly devoid of any talent other than stripping naked and shameless self-promotion.
And week after week on their unutterably tedious TV show they prove they don’t have a single intellectual brain cell between them.
Daniel ‘007’ Craig told British GQ perfectly summed up the conundrum of their success: ‘Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions,’ he said. ‘You see that and you think, “What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f*cking idiot on television and then you’ll pay me million?”’
Well, yes, Mr Bond.
And how did they get to this extraordinary, exulted place?
That’s a much simpler question to answer.
As Amber Rose, Kanye’s ex, revealed to ET: ‘The only reason these girls have careers is because their older sister had a little fun on tape, let’s be realistic.’
Yet, let’s…because it’s the truth.
The Kardashians have become a billion dollar brand because Kim made a sex tape.
Without it, they would be nothing.
With it, they are everywhere, permeating every pore of our waking life with their tweets, Instagram posts, fashion lines, perfumes, makeup lines and topless selfies.
The Kardashians have become a billion dollar brand. They permeate every pore of our waking life with their tweets, Instagram posts, fashion lines, perfumes, makeup and topless selfies
Because the reality of the self-styled ‘reality television royalty’ is their very existence at the epicenter of popular culture is a malevolent, poisonous boil that until now has shown itself to be impervious to any lance.
The Kardashians stand for nothing but themselves, and their boundless egos and ravenous thirst for publicity ensures there is no escape from them – on television, radio and the internet.
If you Google them, up springs an hourly torrent of headlines.
‘KIM CALLS KOURTNEY BORING’
‘KOURTNEY CALLS KIM A PORN STAR’
‘KYLIE HITS BACK AT MOCK CHEATING PHOTO’
‘KHLOE FINALLY ADDRESSES TRISTAN’
On and on rages the tidal wave of inconsequential bullsh*t spewing from the mouths, actions and social media feeds of this vainglorious collection of stupendously self-aggrandising dimwits.
And with each headline that steals valuable news space from famine, war and political upheaval, a little piece of all of us dies.
Seriously, who gives a monkey’s cuss about what these ridiculous creatures do or say any more?
The Kardashians prostitute every aspect of their lives.
There’s nothing they won’t commercialise – births, deaths, marriages, affairs, feuds, sex change operations.
The Kardashians have and will prostitute every aspect of their lives. There’s nothing they won’t commercialise – births (Kourtney was the first of many to birth on the show) , deaths, marriages, affairs, feuds – even Caitlyn’s sex change
You name, they’ll flog it – all under the direction of the ruthless matriarch Kris Jenner, a woman who delights in setting record new lows for her family’s tasteless, shameless, shocking antics.
They’re all very rich, but at what cost to their pride, dignity and soul?
And at what thought to the damage they’re doing to the tens of millions of impressionable young girls who follow them so fervently?
Now, just when I’d almost given up all hope of ever seeing the back of them, a beaming light of ratings-catastrophe light shines out from the depraved darkness.
Make no mistake; Sunday’s finale viewing figures are a disaster for the Kardashians.
For such an established long-running show to lose nearly half its audience during a season is the kind of indefensible fiasco that leads to cancellation.
And there’s no hiding from the bigger picture behind those numbers: people no longer want to keep up with the Kardashians.
There may be many reasons for this; boredom at the never-ending fake drama, cynicism at the increasingly aggressive and unedifying commercialisation of myriad products, or perhaps the original fantasy Kardashian image has been irreparably dimmed by the arrival of older age, husbands and babies?
Perhaps the original fantasy Kardashian image has been irreparably dimmed by the arrival of older age, husbands and babies. It’s pathetic to see Kim, a mother of three, still frenziedly posting naked photos in a desperate bid to try to be the sex tape object of desire she once was
It’s frankly pathetic to see Kim, a mother of three, still frenziedly posting naked photos in a desperate bid to try to be the sex tape object of pervy global desire that she once was.
But to be honest, I don’t really care why their ratings have suddenly tanked. I just feel ecstatic that Santa has started his gift delivery a little earlier than normal this year.
As the world continues to reel from a year of shrieking partisan hysteria, there is finally something that can bring us all together to unite as one in jubilant celebration at this special time.
Merry Christmas everyone –